After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
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