That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
areolas are like halos for boobs.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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