I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
