I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My pussy is not your playground.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
