I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
