im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
