i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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