Whats the glycemic index on semen?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
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