There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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