he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
