my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
