I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
