It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
