sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
