Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
