I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
