I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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