i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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