I wish I could teleport
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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