Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
