Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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