he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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