Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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