nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
