i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
two words...techno handjob
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
