You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
