you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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