There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I party with great urgency now.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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