Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
