You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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