Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My vagina is very pro this idea
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
