seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Randomize
