So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Drake has all the answers
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
