Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
