let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I think your dad took our porno
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
