apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
