So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
