Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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