so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
