How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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