Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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