I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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