You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
the gays at disneyland are vicious
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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