Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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