i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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