On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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