i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
