I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
