Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
