Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Even my vagina gasped.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
