the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
