I've blown a few things in my day
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Are we still banned from the library?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
