hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
